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Who said Postal doesn't have a storyline?
This article may contain significant plot details, please read at your own risk. |
The Insane Path is a series of missions in Postal III after the Postal Dude helps the Ecotologists during the Cash Mart Robbery. He also ends up in this path after taking option 3 during the Cash Mart Robbery.
Meet the Zealots[]
Honeycrisp or Fuji?[]
With the gift of the Badger Saw, the Postal Dude is taken to the Ecotologists Compound where he meets their leader, Al. After some pointless banter, it's time for the super fun apple picking mission because the Postal Dude needs some character building.
Hello Osama[]
After some super fun apple collecting, the compound gets attack by Al Qaeda who seek the Badger Saw technology. Naturally, the Ecotologists need help (cause they suck). After getting some bee hives from Al, it's time for the super fun terrorist hunting mission.
The Champ Whisperer[]
Still with fresh blood on his hands (terrorist or otherwise), the Postal Dude runs into Champ who seems to have a taste for hobo scrotum. The Police were not amused and Champ was taken to court where he gets sentenced to obedience school. Later, members of a Mexi-Sushi Concern attack the Dude for "keeping the prime cuts for himself". With a laser pointer in hand, it's time to make these assholes all play dead.
Segway Repo Man[]
The Postal Dude has gotten himself a job at the local "Segway" dealership. Seems some assholes have taken several segways without paying and are running amuck in Catharsis. Let me get my "Repo Gun".
Slave "Boy" Escort[]
Gary Coleman Mask[]
The Postal Dude by chance runs into Uncle Dave at a political rally for Mayor Chomo, where he gets offered a super secret job. After the rally, the Postal Dude meets the Mayor, who needs some help sneaking his Malaysian Slave Boy out of City Hall which is swarming with paparazzi.
The Last Paparazzi[]
Before the Postal Dude can safely escort the 40 year-old boy out of City Hall, a lone surviving Paparazzi gets a picture. He boasts about it, then runs off only to find the front door is locked. The Postal Dude is coming.
Monkey Test Lab Assault[]
Blood Monkeys[]
While things didn't turn out so well with the Mayor, his hot ecotologist spy secretary knows where Champ is. After getting him a job at the Evoluscious Cosmetics Lab, the Postal Dude lets his Ecotologist buddies in and chaos ensues. Time to free some animals.
Dude with a Monkey[]
Seems the Postal Dude is a bit jealous of a scientist who has a totally awesome Helper Monkey. Make him share the pain.
Krotchy Meal Toy Delivery[]
Thegway Biker Gang[]
After saving Champ and promptly losing him again, the Postal Dude gets a call from Uncle Dave who has another job for him. After a brief meeting with Osama, the Postal Dude is tasked with delivering some Krotchy Dolls to Krotchy's Tossed Salad via segway. Randy Jones, not too happy about this, calls upon his biker gang to stop the Dude.
Mallrats[]
With Randy Jones good and dead (maybe), the Postal Dude makes his way through the Catharsis Mega Mall where he's attacked by nerds who really want his package.
Mexican Viagra Courier[]
Find La Farmacia[]
After a successful delivery, Uncle Dave has another job for the Dude. This time he has to pick up some "viyaggra" down in Mexico for Uncle Dave's repopulation bunker. Seems simple enough.
Mexican Football[]
After finding the La Farmacia, it turns out that American money is worthless now, Pesos only. Needing work, some guys pops up, asking the Postal Dude to throw some footballs over the border fence. Seems simple enough.
El DEA[]
It seems the local authorities aren't too happy about the Postal Dude's footballing. Time for some self-defense.
Prisoner Without A Clue[]
After getting caught by the Mexican authorities, the Postal Dude finds himself deported back to America and in prison. During breakfast, some Ecotologists proposition him for an escort mission. Yippie?
Battle Damage Krotchy[]
Now a fugitive on the run, the Postal Dude looks to Krotchy for help. Soon, a boss battle with the giant scrotum himself ensues.
Gay Rodeo[]
Shit cleaning Scrotum[]
Not long after commandeering Krotchy's suit, his phone goes off for a gig at the local gay rodeo. The job, entertain the kids and clean up shit with the shop vac. There are no kids but plenty of shit.
Cops vs Ecotologists 2[]
Another battle has broken out between the Cops and Ecotologists. Pick a side (or not) then start shooting.
Meth Rhino again[]
Seems the Ecotologist have gotten an oddly-painted rhino hopped up on Meth. Said rhino wants the Pitboss dead. No Pitboss = No pay! So, save the bastard.
Champ Rescue[]
Reflection[]
After wandering about Catharsis in the Krotchy suit, the Postal Dude stumbles upon a trail of Champ's dog shit. Following the trail underground, the Postal Dude ditches the Krotchy suit and continues his search for his lost dog. Careful though, it's full of Mexi-Sushi workers.
Old Catharsis[]
Deep in the caverns of the Grotto, the Postal Dude finds Al (who apparently owns the Mexi-Sushi concern) selling the lab animals who were freed by the Ecotologists back to the scientists of Evoluscious Cosmetics. Not happy about this, Champ is fighting a one dog rescue mission to free the imprisoned animals. The Postal Dude graciously helps.
Daveland[]
After saving the animals underground, the Postal Dude gets a call on the Krotchy phone. Seems Uncle Dave needs some plutonium from the Krotchy dolls for his homemade nuke. Not wanting to give up his favorite toy, the Dude improvises. After delivering the "plutonium", he gets himself a gig running the projectors for the Mayor's speech at Daveland. Unfortunately, the tapes get mixed up and all hell breaks lose. Time to get out of dodge, fast.