The Police Station is Paradise's local Police Department which is located in the Ghetto. It serves as the police officers' headquarters, as well as a prison for people breaking law in Paradise. The Police Station has several offices, cells, a communications central, storages, and a file room. In the top level, there is a hospital wing, the drop box and the "Anthony Hopkins Suite". Also in the top level, there is a locker room in which the Postal Dude can obtain a Police Uniform. If he wears the uniform, the Postal Dude will be able to enter an area reserved only for those wearing police uniforms, in which he will find lots of weapons and ammo.
If the Postal Dude is arrested by the police or other law enforcement organizations, he will be taken to the station. Once in prison, the Postal Dude will find himself without any weapon or items, with the exception of the matches. The only way to get out of the cell is to light a match at a fire detector, which will activate an alarm and will open all cell doors. Though various civilians (and even a priest) are seen in the cells, in reality police officers will never try to arrest anyone but the Postal Dude, instead they will beat or shoot troublemakers to death. Notable inmates of the Police Station include Gary Coleman and Krotchy, who are seen together in a cell on Friday.
Though accessible since Monday, the Police Station plays a role for the first time on Thursday, when the Postal Dude has to pay a ticket. The Postal Dude can either pay the check in the lobby or break into the station. If the Postal Dude kills the officer at the entrance desk, he will need to go to the top level of the station and deliver his ticket into the drop box without paying. If he loses his ticket, he can find one in the file room.
- A sign outside the Police Station reads: "Pride, Integrity, Guts, and Service" which is an acronym for "PIGS".
- If the Postal Dude puts on the police uniform, some people will greet him with: "How's it going, PIG?"
- There are several posts on the boards at the station, including various missing people, one claiming Bigfoot was seen near Paradise, another which promotes a group called "Father Tucheez" run by local priests (although heavily implied to be for pedophile purposes), and even one that names Osama as Paradise's "Person of the Year".
- In one of the offices in the upper levels, a map of Paradise is accompained by a sign that reads: "Blasting Zone Ahead".
- Above a door near the lockers (where the Postal Dude will be sent if he tries to escape many times unsuccessfully) is a sign which states: Anthony Hopkins Suite. This is a reference to the movie The Silence of the Lambs, where Anthony Hopkins plays Hannibal Lecter, an infamous serial killer, and finds himself placed inside a similar cell.
- The more times the Postal Dude gets arrested, the longer and harder it will be for him to escape, because the Police put him in different cells to prevent him from escaping. If unlucky enough, he can be placed into Cell Block FU (fuck you), which is near impossible to get out of.
- The workshop before an update wouldn't let the Postal Dude get arrested and put into the Police Station, instead giving a game over upon arrest. This is no longer the case, he will be arrested as usual.