Mike Jaret-Scachter
Mike J at the RWS Offices.
Type Human, Mad Cow-Demon Zombie (Apocalypse Weekend and Paradise Lost)
Gender Male
Affiliations Running With Scissors, Zombies (Apocalypse Weekend and Paradise Lost), School Daze (A Week In Paradise)
Status Determinant
Played by Himself

Mike Jaret-Schachter (Mike J for short) is the VP of Business Development and Co-Owner of Running With Scissors. His office in the RWS headquarters is located in the restroom, next to Vince Desi's office. In POSTAL 2, Mike J does not play a large role other than being one of the RWS staff members to fight the Parents for Decency when the hate group assaults the RWS headquarters. Mike J is also seen in other areas of Paradise such as the Church and Earl's Elephant Ranch and Grill.

Apocalypse WeekendEdit


A zombified Mike J before his battle with the Postal Dude.

"I am Mike J, Kosher Mad Cow Zombie, God of Hellfire! All bow down, and worship my asscock!"

— A zombified Mike J introduces himself

In Apocalypse Weekend, Vince informs the Postal Dude that Mike J has been infected with the mad cow disease. For that reason, Vince needs the Postal Dude's help with the marketing.

After the Postal Dude crosses the Bridge, he finally manages to find his trailer; but suddenly the ground shakes, and he finds the corpses of several National Guard soldiers. A zombified Mike J then appears, in the form of a gigantic demon-like creature with horns, and stingers on the back. Mike J's appearance and introduction prompt the Postal Dude to say that the Postal 2 game designer has lost "his tiny mind". Mike J is also revealed to be the leader of the zombies, with some of them actually appear during the battle to aid him.

To defeat the boss, the Postal Dude must destroy the floating little Gary Coleman heads over Mike J's head, which act as a shield for him. He leaves a trail of fire after him as he walks, and throws fire balls and milkshots from his udder from time to time. Mike J has 4947 HP, and on Insane-o difficulty, he has 7300. Before going on to fight him, it is highly recommended to stock up on weapons, especially Rocket Launchers and Grenades. if playing in enhanced mode make sure you have the sawed off shotgun and lots of ammo you will win the fight in seconds

A Week in ParadiseEdit

Mike J appears as the principal of School Daze, this time wearing a dark suit instead of his RWS clothes. A placard with his name is seen on his desk at his office, similar to that on the toilet at RWS headquarters.

Paradise LostEdit

Mike J reappears in Paradise Lost. He has taken over the Junkyard and is one of the faction leaders. At the end of Tuesday, he sends zombies to attack Vince's church and captures Postal Dude.

On Wednesday, Mike J gives Postal Dude a list of errands to complete so he can proceed with a wedding. At the end of Wednesday, it's revealed that Mike J's bride is Postal Dude's ex-wife, The Bitch. After the resulting battle between Postal Dude and The Bitch, Mike J revives her with his milk. However, this causes The Bitch to return to her overweight form. Angered, Mike J orders Postal Dude to leave the junkyard.

Mike J reappears on Friday with The Bitch. Both of them have followed Postal Dude into the Hell Hole. After a three-stage battle between Postal Dude and The Bitch, he angrily leaves as The Bitch ditches him. During the final fight between Postal Dude and The Bitch, Mike J declares war with the other faction leaders, causing a third apocalypse.

If Postal Dude opts to take down the faction leaders, then Mike J will fight him at the Junkyard.

If Postal Dude chooses to flee the town instead, Mike J will be blown up with the rest of Paradise.

POSTAL 4: No Regerts Edit

Mike J will once again reappear in POSTAL 4: No Regerts. He had seemingly gotten better from the mad cow disease. At this moment, all that is known about him is that he is the mayor of Edensin and he owns Mike J's Bidets. It is currently unknown if the events of Paradise Lost have had any effect on him.


  • 306142 10150266966106548 501781547 8111518 284170 n

    Mike Jaret-Schachter circa 2011

    Peeing on his in-game character in the Steam version of Postal 2 causes him to begin dancing and the song from Fire in the Hole to start playing.
  • During Halloween he can be seen with his face painted green.
  • Mike Jaret is a producer at Running With Scissors, Inc.
  • Lots of characters in the game use a facemap after Mike J's, including the fags from "Fire in the Hole" and Fag Hunter, and Mr. Murray from Eternal Damnation.
  • While Mike J was the producer for Postal III, he did not have a character role in the game. He did do the voiceover work, however, for a lot of characters including Al Qaeda leader Osama Bin Laden, as well as the homosexual interviewer (Limp Dickerson) in a majority of the game's cinematics.
  • When you cut off one of his legs he will say " Can you call my wife? I just want one more blowjob before I die" and " Can you do me a favor and touch my dick I think I've lost all feeling in it" and " Don't kill me yet! I haven't had sex with 100 women"


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