Krotchy outside Toyz 'n tha Hood.
|Type||Human/Phallic Childrens' Mascot|
|Affiliations||Toyz 'n tha Hood|
|Status|| Alive (games)|
|Played by||Marcus Davis (Postal 2, Postal III)|
Greg Blackman (Paradise Lost)
Vince Desi (movie)
Krotchy ain't got no cojones. Krotchy IS cojones, bitch!Krotchy is an animated ballsack mascot based on the famous Krotchy Doll. It is said that Krotchy is "beloved by children and Catholic Priests everywhere".
Krotchy is not introduced in Postal 2 until Thursday, but a promotional image of him is seen since Tuesday on televisions in Turdines, the furniture store of Paradise Mall. On Wednesday, during the General Election, Krotchy's name appears on the ballot, as he is running for the position of Safety Inspector as part of the Prostitution Party.
Krotchy is so famous, Paradise's mayor declared that Thursday would be "Krotchy Day". One of the errands from that day involves the Postal Dude getting a Krotchy Doll. However, when he arrives at Toyz 'n tha Hood, Krotchy tells him that there are no more Krotchy Dolls available by saying "We all sold out and shit", but he can get one of the Larry the Crab dolls since there are still plenty of them as they aren't popular as Krotchy. If the Postal Dude sneaks into the store's backroom to get the one Krotchy Doll hidden in the back, Krotchy will fight the Postal Dude personally.
Krotchy is invulnerable to bullets but can be harmed by explosives or melee weapons like the Police Baton, Shovel, or Scissors. Napalm in particular is super effective. Krotchy himself is armed with a Rocket Launcher and a Shotgun. He fires heat seeking rockets from the rocket launcher and will switch to the shotgun at close range.
Optionally, you can also just buy a Krotchy doll from him directly by using your money on him or exchange it using a copy of What I'm Talkin' Bout; either of these alternatives will completely avoid conflict.
At the end of the day, the Postal Dude's wife asks him if he got Krotchy, to which the Dude replies he got Krotchy a couple of times, referring to getting the doll and defeating (or escaping from) Krotchy himself. Regardless of whether Krotchy was killed or not, it is revealed on Friday that he has been arrested and is a cellmate of Gary Coleman. Also on Friday, a group of Krotchys can be found fighting a group of Gary Colemans in a hidden easter egg arena on the top floor of the Mall.
Paradise Lost Edit
Krotchy returns for a brief role as both the narrator and as a wise sage, "the Wise Wang". He has holed himself up in the old RWS building and begins the Postal Dude's quest to find and restore his lost dog. He can be found in the CCCP section of the mall on Thursday, looking down at you in the lab from a window. On Friday, he is seen in prison again. He is at the death row along with the Old Man and an RWS staff member.
It's revealed in Postal 3 that Krotchy survived the Apocalypse and the destruction of Paradise. He now resides in Catharsis, where he runs a health-conscious fast food franchise named "Krotchy's Tossed Salad".
During the Insane Path, it's revealed that Krotchy is in cahoots with Uncle Dave and that his Krotchy dolls are filled with Plutonium supplied by Osama. Later on, the Postal Dude (on the lamb after escaping from jail) asks to "borrow" Krotchy's suit. Not happy about this, Krotchy and his crew of Nerds fight the Dude before being killed. With the mascot dead, the Dude is free to take the suit for himself, becoming Krotchy.
As the Dude, Krotchy's outfit is identical, though now adorning the Dude's fingerless gloves and brown work boots.
In the Postal film, Krotchy appears at the amusement park Little Germany, as 2000 Krotchy dolls were to be sold at the park. Vince Desi is revealed as the real identity of Krotchy, as he unmasks himself and confronts Uwe Boll for ruining Postal and adapting it into a film. Desi/Krotchy ultimately becomes a casualty of the Little Germany massacre.
|Characters in Postal²|
|Postal Dude | The Bitch | Champ | Vince Desi | Mike J | Habib | Gary Coleman | Krotchy | Larry the Crab | Uncle Dave | Osama | Phraud Hogslop | Junkyard Guy | Earl | Rosco | T. Dude, Sr. | Lieberman | Zombie Dad | Easter Bunny | Zack Ward | Big McWillis | Yeeland | Old Man | John Murray | Milo Yiannopoulos | PU CEO | Two-Ears | That Beloved Bookcase|
|Law Enforcement Organizations|
|Police | SWAT | National Guard | ATF | Lawmen | Survivalists|
|RWS Protestors | Book Protestors | Rednecks | Butchers | Carriers | Vegetarians | Food Technicians | Game Devs | Gingers | Bandits | Survivalists|
|Civilians | RWS Staff | Robbers | Marching Band | Terrorists | Priests | Coleman's Crew | Religious Zealots | Postal Babes | Security Staff | Zombies | Skeletons | Cole-Men | HAAT | DEET | Robots|
|Dogs | Cats | Elephants | Cows | Monkeys | Dinosaurs|
|Characters in Postal III|
|The Postal Dude | Champ | Krotchy | Mayor Chomo | Randy Jones | Jennifer Walcott | Sergey Mavrodi | Uncle Dave | Lt. Deutschbagge | Al | Osama | Uwe Boll | Hugo Chavez|
|Law Enforcement Organizations|
|Police | SWAT|
|Civilians | Al Qaeda | Postal Babes | Hockey Moms | Nerds | Ecotologists | Hell's A-Holes Segway Biker Gang | Venezuelan Army|
|Dogs | Cats | Monkeys | Badger Saw | Rhino | Bee hive|
|POSTAL filmCharacters in the|
|The Postal Dude | Uncle Dave | Richard | Faith | Verne Troyer | George W. Bush | Officer John | Officer Greg | The Bitch | Krotchy/Vince Desi | Uwe Boll | Harry | Champ|
|Osama | Mohammed | Habib | Asif | Nabi|
|Civilians | Police | Religious Cult|