"Bless me, Father, for I have really sinned. Really. I'm not kidding here. Big sinner. Yup. " — The Postal Dude
The Church is the Roman Catholic church building devoted to "Our Lady of Insatiable Avarice". The only way to get to the Church is through the Trainyard Area. One of the errands the Postal Dude must complete on Tuesday is to "Confess sins", but as he notes when looking at the map, the Church is so far away from Home he says "like I'll ever find that". Once the Postal Dude arrives to the Church, a priest is standing next to the offertory box. If the Postal Dude steals the money, the priest immediately attacks him. There are several signs all over the Church pointing the way to the confessional. The player can either wait in line to confess the sins to the priest, or kill everyone including the priest, to complete the errand. When the Postal Dude talks to the priest, he says he has really sinned and calls himself a "Big Sinner". The priest only asks him if he dropped an offering in the box, to which the Dude lies (if he didn't offer) and replies "yes". The father forgives him.
Outside the Church, a group of priests are having a conversation when a terrorist suddenly appears and explodes himself, killing the priests. Another terrorist appears and declares war against the "Infidels", and a whole group of terrorists break into the church. The attack is responded by the priests, who say they will deliver an "ass whooping of Biblical proportions" to the "pajama-wearing pagans". On his way out of the Church, the Postal Dude will have to face the terrorists himself, who are using tables and even the altar as barricades.
On Wednesday, it is revealed that the Church is in the process of being transformed into a mosque, and that the "Our Lady of Insatiable Avarice" signs now read "Our Lady of InFIDEL Avarice", along with the word "Jihad".
The Postal Dude can go the opposite direction from the Confessional, where he will find a room filled with weapons. Anything left there is safe during the day. This is useful Wednesday, when the Rednecks force him wear the Gimp Suit As they do so, they take all his weapons, money and other items.
In the Postal 2: Paradise Lost expansion pack the Church is whole sunburned and the air is very dry as it is now part of Paradise's Arid Desert zone. Also the Church has now been taken over by Vince Desi and the Running With Scissors crew and turned into a base and office building. Fan art of Dude can be found hung up all over the walls, work desks with computers are placed in certain spots and RWS employees patrol the church grounds. On Tuesday, Vince and RWS rescue the Dude from a horde of raging zombies but unfortunately, at the end of the day, the Church is overrun by them.
On Friday, during the Apocalypse, the Dude may return to the church and kill Vince.
- During the Apocalypse in Paradise Lost, the entrance to the church is blocked off by a metal fence, but the player can walk right through it with no collision at all.